Setting Healthy Boundaries After Your Divorce


Setting healthy boundaries with your ex after your Pasadena divorce is essential for your emotional health, as well as the well being of your children. Even though you and your ex are no longer married, you will still need to communicate on matters relating to your children.

If your marriage fell apart because of poor communication, changing these patterns is going to take work. However, many people find that a divorce gives them the space they need to distance themselves from past negative behaviors and start communicating in a healthier matter. Try to put aside hurt feelings from the past and focus on creating a new relationship that best meets the current needs of both you and your children.

Every family is different, but examples of healthy boundaries to set with your ex include:

  • You will not use the children as communication tools. If you want to make child-related arrangements, you will contact each other directly.
  • No phone calls after 10 pm.
  • No calling the children past their scheduled bedtimes.
  • No yelling over the phone.
  • Non-emergency text messages will not be answered immediately.
  • You will not respond to rude texts.
  • Visits with the children will only be rescheduled in the event of a true emergency.
  • You will provide at least 24 hours notice of the need to reschedule visits.
  • When you are in each other's homes to pick up or drop off the children, you will remember that you are no longer a spouse and will act as any other houseguest would.
  • You will be polite and respectful to each other’s new romantic partners.

Discuss what rules you and your ex would like to set, then put them in writing. Treat the rules like a contract and remember that they must apply to both of you equally. It’s not fair to be angry at your ex for sending an endless succession of non-emergency texts demanding an immediate response if you are also guilty of the same behavior.

How Can We Help?

If you are in need of legal representation during your divorce, please call our office at (626) 683-8113 or email us at Our Pasadena divorce attorneys can help ensure that you receive a settlement that protects the needs of both you and your child.